No Fixed Self
How open-minded are you…?
To the idea that you don’t have a fixed self…
We are all multiple personalities.
Fragmented.
Sub-personalities all reside within this one body.
Ethereal, nebulous beings that are all us, yet none of which we can call I.
We're not just one fixed, stable "I," but a constellation of parts that have developed over time, each holding a specific role, purpose, and sometimes, unhealed wounds. This multiplicity isn't something to reject, but to explore, understand, and integrate.
The body becomes this incredibly fascinating place full of revelations when we begin to develop communication with it.
It holds information previously unknown in the unconscious and subconscious.
Unfortunately, these parts are ruled by the subconscious and often have outdated roles, no longer needed, but they continue to dictate our responses and direct our lives.
They also deserve a round of applause because, at some point, they needed to be doing what they were doing.
However, they get stuck in time; to help them evolve, we need to kindly reassign them to a new role that is more aligned with our present self.
This opens us to new possibilities. New ways of moving.
We may have many conscious desires that these parts seem to keep sabotaging.
By communicating with ourselves in this way. We can get all our fragmented parts online, working towards the same objectives with all our updated information on what’s needed.
This is wholeness.
Our parts often have unfinished business - something they still need before they move on.
It is through mindfulness and compassion that we can offer the missing experience.
In Hakomi, we don’t work with parts overtly; however, we work in mindfulness, and with the present moment, they’ll likely show up.
Hakomi understands this unfinished business as a missing experience, as more than just a disappointment in the past; it’s something that we dearly needed, that we didn’t receive, and we can be suspended in the pain of it.
Hakomi is a therapy in mindfulness which transcends time. When you are in the pain of memory, fully present with it, it may have happened in the past, but it’s here now.
Therefore, healing can happen now.
Gestalts can be closed.
Business can get finished.
We can finally move on….
Stepping into a more integrated self.
When we get to know our parts, our experience of ourselves as the awareness that holds all, this awareness can come more to the forefront.
This seeing is through the eyes of a more open heart.
It’s here we can begin to see other people's parts - we can see that often in conflict or fear we are engaging with their part.
This has the potential for a more compassionate view in conflict; behind all their parts and yours is the self.
Your parts and theirs may be protecting, defending, and managing their stations, yet with greater lucidity, a slowing down, and introspection, we may begin to see that they are fighting a battle that was long ago over.
It’s not even your battle.
Conflict is often seen as something to avoid, whereas it can serve as a doorway to deeper self-awareness.
After the emotional storm has passed, we can pause and inquire into what each part was trying to protect or express during the conflict is powerful. It’s an invitation to step beyond the knee-jerk responses of the ego or habitual defences and create a space where healing can happen.
Once the flames have gone out and the ashes simmer, drop in, get quiet, and start asking your dominant part in conflict what it needs.
This work isn’t just about resolving conflict with others, but about bringing more harmony within ourselves—aligning the various parts of us towards a more cohesive, integrated whole. It’s a process of healing not just our past experiences but our ways of relating, both internally and externally.
This work is ongoing.
We’re always learning, always uncovering new layers. But by cultivating presence and curiosity toward our parts—by acknowledging their needs and histories-we create a pathway for transformation, both inside and out.